The Victim
by Connie Nervegas
Summary: Trapped underground with no way out. Will Raph break? From the buried alive challenge.
1. Chapter 1

_I was pressured into this by the kind folks at Stealthy Stories. They peer pressured… offered creative support and got me to do this answer to my own challenge. So I decided to be very awful in this story. If you don't like suffering, then don't read. Just saying. Thought I'd do it up right._

"So, you're a big talking turtle, huh?" asked a fuzzy and unfamiliar voice.

Raph's head vibrated with pain. His eyelids stuck together as he slowly forced them open, taking in the light as a bolt of pressure split his head. His sleepy mind processed the new information slowly. A garage or a dark room with a humanlike shape bent over him. Wearing a flannel shirt. Definitely not family. Raph's heavy arms and legs refused to move when he sent the message. Couldn't open his mouth to demand answers from the stranger.

"I guess you could talk if you weren't drugged," the stranger said. His hands were all over him. Traveled up and down his arms. Touched his head. Not a caress or stroking, thank God. More like curious exploration. He couldn't move. Couldn't roll over. "Don't be offended or anything, but I bought you from one of those ninja gangs. They sell imported animals and one of them caught you and said he'd let me have you for a great price. I think he did it on the side. I don't think his boss would have allowed it." The stranger's fingers worked into the groove between his carapace and his skin.

He bought him? Captured? When did that… Oh, wait. That. Standing in the rain in an alley, taunting a few talentless hacks and then a pinprick in his neck. Within seconds landing on his knees, the alley fading away. Falling flat on his face in a rain puddle while Purple Dragons pawed his still body as his eyes closed. Waking up now in this dark room. Raph's hands were tied in front of him and rope wound around his waist, tying him to a bench. His mouth was unbearably dry. But that didn't matter. As soon as his senses sharpened he would smash the bench over this guy's head. He watched him with narrowed eyes, studying his movements.

The stranger's overly excited eyes bulged. And his wicked smiled made Raph think of a demon smiling through a human face. He was pale, like he never left his garage if he could help it. Raph hated that type. Go out in the sun already if you can.

"We're going to start out slow," the guy said. "I really want to hear you talk, but I can't have the neighbors hearing you, as much as I'd like that."

The guys stuff his bandanna in his mouth. Never thought he would be gagged with his bandanna.

The stranger held a long metal rod and ran it across a work bench across the room. The sound grated and Raph struggled, his dull pulse beating faster. A fireplace poker. The dim halo faded suddenly and everything in the room came into focus too quickly. Pelts of animals and parts. Just random legs and heads and tails and animals split from stem to stern nailed to the walls. And metal tools. Small metal instruments for cutting and chopping and splitting skin. Brown with blood. Bits of fur stuck to them.

He was tortured for information. By evil government agents or ninjas with agendas. Always methodical with their torture. Designed for a specific result. This was torture at its lowest form. Just to see the pain in his eyes. To listen to him cry out in terror. Skin and bones heal. But some of his parts were irreplaceable. Like his eyes or reproductive organs. Even if they didn't get any use, they were still his.

"Now, don't squirm." The man pulled out a vial and a syringe. Raph pulled at his ropes and smiled as the fibers strained under his weight and nearly choked as his bandanna moved in his mouth. But a needle pierced his arm and body fell slack against the bench.

Now he was paralyzed. Totally paralyzed. Couldn't even call out in pain if he'd wanted too. And he didn't. He never did that. The guy would have to do worse than work a scalpel through his plastron and into the soft skin underneath if he wanted to hear anything from him.

Raph would personally cut off his hands for touching him. He would have closed his eyes and imagined it to block out the new pain as the stranger cut into his arm with a pair of scissors and gouged it open to take a look around. But his eyelids were stuck open. His eyes roamed the room, looking for a way out. Waiting for an idea to come. Irrationally believing Leo would fly through the door and lop off the jerk off's head with a katana. Or Don to break his skull with his bo. Or Mikey to break several bones at once with the propeller blades of nunchaku.

His blood dripped between the slats in the bench and onto the floor. His eyes could see the red puddle underneath him. The steady streams of trickling and dripping red. His brothers would never find him. Good. He needed to deliver himself from this evil. Couldn't stand the looks on their faces.

Seemed to go on for hours. It was boring. If only the guy would stop cutting into his skin, he could sleep. The guy pulled bags out of a freezer and shifted them around and then come back with a new instrument and made a new cut. Looked around inside his flesh and make excited comments. For a while he turned him flat on his face and examined his shell. At least that didn't feel bad. It felt almost comforting. His father used to do that for him when he was sick.

Another jab in the side that he could barely feel. His eyes closed, grateful for the relief as the incisions throbbed all over his body.

* * *

Just as suddenly as he'd shut his eyes, he opened them. No time had passed. But time had passed. He was somewhere else. Darkness all around except for light coming from above him. He twitched a hand, just to see what would happen. Secretly, to see if it was still there. Pain exploded up and down his arm. He growled. Cuts heal. Good, still there and working. Moved the other hand. Still present. So were both his feet and thus it followed that his legs were still attached. Eyesight told him that both eyes were still in their sockets and his privates were intact.

He ignored the slicing pain. Slicing pain wasn't so bad. Blinding pain was worse. Crippling and debilitating pain was something to worry about. It was when the pain went away that you need to worry. The gentleness of death. He was well mutilated and the pain told him that he was still alive. The cuts went all up and down his body and arms and legs. He could tell some were burns. Didn't remember being burned.

He sat up and hit his head after a few inches in his progress with a metallic thump. Raph instinctively threw his arms and legs out to see how far they would reach. Only a few inches in each direction. He was in a small space. Maybe a car trunk. But it didn't feel right. He was too stretched out for that.

_"You're awake. I thought I'd killed you. What a waste of money that would be."_

Raph looked around for the voice. He squinted out of the shaft of light ahead of him. It was a narrow length of PVC pipe several feet long. There was blue sky and a tree branch blowing in the breeze overhead.

_"I paid good money for you, so I put in an air pipe. Thought that burying you without an air source would, like, kill you too quick."_

"Let me the fuck out of here!" Raph demanded. He meant to sound threatening, but his throat was so hoarse that it came out as barely more than an angry whisper.

_"You do talk! Oh, score! I knew it. You have a filthy mouth, turtle."_

"Yeah, I talk. I do other stuff too. I could drive a sai through your fucking skull. How about that for talent?"

_"Are those the funny fork things you had?" _Metal clanked in the background as the guy fiddled with Raph's sais. "I looked them up on Wikipedia. Aren't they used mainly for defense?"

"Not the way I use them," he growled. His voice sounded unusually harsh and he liked the sound. "How are you talking to me?"

_"I have a two-way radio set up. Actually, it's a walkie-talkie. I hope the battery holds out. You could last a long time. I hope. Ever wondered how long you can go without food?"_

Raph kicked the lid of the box as his frustration broke way. The thud of his foot echoed around him and he shuddered, the first flick of fear touching him. "Where am I? What did you do? It ain't important, really. I just want to know what I'm killing you for when I'm breaking all your fingers first."

_"I wonder if you'll starve to death before the bacteria kills you. You'll probably be killed by your own waste first. It'll be interesting to find out."_

He turned his head for the walkie talkie with half a mind to smash it against the wall.

_"Turn it off, if you like. I can watch you too. There's a camera outside your coffin. I can watch you 24 hours a day. It's all giant freak turtle, all day for me."_

Raph switched it off.

* * *

Why did he drink so much juice before he left home? Leo forced him. "Drink something without caffeine or alcohol, for a change," Leo said. Raph laughed at him and chugged half a bottle of apple juice while Leo pretended to be horrified.

That damn juice. He worked his legs to hold it in, bringing his knees up and down methodically. Raph would not piss on himself. He never had and he never would. Even if his bladder broke. Had anybody died of a ruptured bladder? He was sure Don knew that answer.

He never knew that urination could cause pain and pounded his fist against the side of the box in a rhythm that matched how he worked his body back and forth in his limited space, trying to hold it back.

But then it all leaked out anyway. It was no more use and he closed his eyes, giving in. I did not just piss all over myself, the thought as his hot urine covered his legs. Little flickers of humiliation lapped in his mind.

He laid back in relief as his bladder hollowed, blocking out the new stink. At least he was alone and nobody else would have to smell it.

They would definitely notice when they rescued him. Leo would give him that sad, cow-eyed look he saved for times when he didn't have the heart to lecture. Don would totally ignore it. Mikey would probably make a loud deal about how cruel it was to leave him in that space without at least a bottle to use.

* * *

He fought at least fifteen foot ninjas single handedly that night. The last one standing had tried to stick him in the stomach with his katana. Raph drove his sai through his ribcage, feeling his ribs crack until the tip of the sai hit the brick behind the man's back. And blood sprayed out onto fist and up his arm.

That was a good day. That guy had knocked Don unconscious. Maybe killed him. Unconscious at least. He watched his brother, hoping for movement, lying on his face a few feet away.

Raph's hand flew out in front of him in his sleep and his knuckle slapped unexpectedly into metal. He expected to hear Leo breathing in the other bed. He almost could hear it, even now as he looked up into the dark early morning sky as the stars flickering away in the dawn between patches of heavy clouds. The tree was still.

Water splashed in his face as the rain washed down the breathing pipe. He rolled over onto his side to avoid it, rather uncomfortably because he couldn't curl up. He winced as his cuts came into contact with the urine filled water. It had been at least a day and a half and he'd had to piss in that box two more times. Raph held his mouth at the end of the spout and caught some rain drops and closed his eyes to savor the one comfort he'd had so far. His mouth was so dry and his lips cracked and sore.

Later in the morning, the clouds drifted away and the sky lit up blue. Cars rumbled past and dogs barked. Children talked and laughed as they ran to the bus stop. He wasn't buried in a cemetery. Was he near the man's house?

Before he had given it much thought, he grabbed the walkie-talkie and flipped it back on. He held down the contact button and said, "Hello? Hello, asshole."

_"Hello, turtle._" He sounded pleased. Like he was talking to an old college buddy.

"I'm going to scream," Raph said. "I'll scream and somebody will hear me."

The guy laughed. _"Go ahead. Like anybody will care."_

His let the walkie-talkie drop from his mouth. Nobody would care. He knew people. They didn't care about others in danger or in pain. Even when it was right in front of their faces.

_"You look sad. Do you miss your family? Hey, are there more of you? Or are you the last of your kind?"_

"Last of my kind," Raph slurred into the walkie-talkie.

_"That makes it even cooler. I imagine it must smell pretty interesting in there."_

"It does. Want to come and smell it?" Raph asked.

_"No thanks. I'd rather watch."_ The walkie-talkie clicked as it turned off at the other end.

What did this guy want? But he knew what he wanted. He wanted to watch something else suffer at the least inconvenience to himself. That was the worst kind of monster. The one who was too lazy to do his own dirty work.


	2. Chapter 2

_Doing more awful stuff to Raph. I've been getting my OC villains from watching Cold Case Files. I might need to quit that. I hope it doesn't disturb you all too much. I find real villains to be more scary and compelling than cartoon/ comic villains. No offense, canon bad guys._

It was actually pretty similar to how he'd grown up. Trapped underground in a sewage filled hole, only occasionally seeing the sun through the grates overhead.

Three days. At least. He could live with the hunger that long. He'd gone longer.

But he wasn't fond of the sores. His cuts were festering and now a few were dripping puss. Clearly infected and vaguely foul smelling. Just another bad smell.

The fever didn't feel great. His head hurt in a dull throb and even though he was hot, he still shivered and no matter how he moved, he couldn't will it to stop.

He'd spent hours meditating the day before. Nothing better to do. He didn't want to listen to the cars going by or the children laughing in the next yard. Leo would be proud. It turned out he could meditate as long and successfully as his brown-nosing brother. He just needed to be trapped in a life threatening situation with a high fever and no outside stimuli.

Were they even looking for him? He moved his stiff knees a few times and flexed his muscles, trying to keep them alive. The water rippled and spread vapors afresh around the casket.

_"It isn't really a casket." _Scott was talkative. He liked to talk about himself. He liked to ask Raph questions that he wouldn't answer. _"I got some old shelves from work and soldered them together. I hope it holds up."_

"You have a job?" Raph asked. "What kind of place would hire a maggot like you?"

Scott laughed and the walkie-talkie blurred. It was hard to keep it out of the inch or so of water in the bottom of the box now and Raph was afraid that the wiring would short. _"You're not too terribly social huh? You don't do anything but cuss at me and threaten me. That's really funny, since you're so helpless."_

"I've ever been anything, it ain't helpless," Raph said. Useless was more like it. "Well, fine. You think I'm not sociable. Let's talk about something nice then. You got a girlfriend?" He thought he already knew the answer.

There was a noticeable pause at the other end. _"I had one once. Didn't work out."_

"Was she put off when she found out that you like to mutilate animals?"

_ "Actually, she was put off when I killed her and dumped her in a quarry."_

Raph's stomach tightened. He could see the image of this guy dumping her limp body into a pile rock. Just lying out there in a wasteland, like she was nothing. "Why'd you do that?"

The walkie-talkie clicked as Scott turned it off.

He'd confessed quite a few things. Scott assumed that Raph wouldn't get out of there alive and so there was no point in hiding anything from him. Raph knew that. It didn't matter. Either he would die down there with Scott's secrets or he would be rescued and Scott would be taken care of. There wasn't any point worrying about it. He knew the guy's name was Scott Walkley and that he was from South Bend, Indiana. He used to chase Amish buggies on the way to school. He tortured his neighbor's cat when he five years old. He'd had to move to New York because he was fired from a veterinary clinic for killing the animals.

The walkie-talkie clicked back on just as Raph laid it on his plastron and he quickly held it back to his mouth.

"_What's your name?"_

"Why?"

_ "You asked my name. Now I want to know yours."_

He paused. It was a really bad idea to tell him his name. "Mary Sue."

_ "That hurts my feelings, Raphael. That's what it says on your phone screensaver anyway. And who is this Leo? You mumble about him in your sleep and you've had about twenty calls from him. Is he your boyfriend?"_

His head swam with fury.

_ "Oh, look at this redheaded chick. April? Let's give her a call."_

He could hear the phone dialing. It rang. April's voice said, "Hello? Raph? Where are you?"

Scott didn't say anything. Raph's face was already warm with fever and it grew uncomfortably hot. His eyes blurred and his vision grew dark as his blood pressure changed quickly.

"APRIL!" He yelled as loudly as he could.

_ "What? I can't hear you. Did you drop the phone again?"_

"APRIL, CALL LEO! I'M TRAPPED!"

Scott laughed as April said,_ "You're what…? Who was that? You'll have to speak up."_

"I'M TRAPPED IN A BOX UNDERGROUND!"

The phone beeped as Scott hung up. _"That's enough. I don't think she heard you. Maybe I should call her back and set up a date."_

"ANY PART OF YOU THAT TOUCHES HER, YOU AIN'T GETTING BACK!" Raph bellowed. He choked. His throat was so dry.

_"Well, Raphael. You hurt my feelings again. I might talk to you when you decide to be more civil."_ The walkie-talkie went dead.

He'd gotten so close and it was useless. He closed his eyes and tried to block out the blinding frustration with meditation.

* * *

If Don had been locked in this box, he would have made something out of the walkie-talkie. A bomb maybe. But what use would a bomb be, unless you wanted to blow yourself up? He would make a flare. And then somebody would see it and rescue him. No, he would link it to their cell phone frequencies somehow. This walkie-talkie only had three channels and two were blank.

If Leo were in the hole, he would think of some ancient ninja technique that Raph had never learned because he forgot, wasn't there for that day's lesson or thought was too stupid to do properly. He would manage a perfect MacGuyver-style escape.

If Mikey… no, he couldn't think of that.

There was something about endless meditation that him feel like he'd turned to jelly. Like all of his muscles had dissolved and his bones and brain had melted. It was actually a cruel exercise. As soon as he was truly peaceful, he opened his eyes and saw the lid of the box a few inches away from his face and could smell the festering water and urine that he was lying in. He pulled off his leather elbow and knee pads. They were moldering in the humidity and he had a painful rash under them. He hadn't been conscious long enough to notice. Raph tossed them at the end of the box. He wasn't wearing his bandanna or belt or any of his equipment. He supposed that Scott was playing with it, along with his sais and phone.

He stared the lid of his box for what could have been minutes, but was probably hours because the sun had gone down when he finally looked out the pipe to gauge the time. There was a lawnmower going in the distance.

Closed his eyes to sleep. He'd meditated. Now he would sleep.

* * *

"It's so cold!" Don said, teeth chattering dramatically to gain sympathy.

Raph opened his eyes, but didn't pull his head out of his blankets to see his brother. He could hear him shivering next to the bed.

"Can I come in there with you?"

"Why didn't you go sleep with Mikey or Leo?"

"You're warmer."

Raph moved over, but didn't say anything. He felt Don's cold feet rubbing against his legs as he cuddled into his pocket of body heat under the blanket. "Why don't you just fix the heater?" Raph mumbled.

"I tried. I need a new thermowell."

He rolled over to see Don. "I killed somebody today."

Don's legs twitched against his. "That sucks."

"Well, he stuck Mikey. How's he doing?"

"Whining. But he's fine. It wasn't bad."

Don was quiet so long that Raph thought he was asleep and finally shut his own eyes.

"You could have knocked the guy out." He said it quietly, as if he were afraid Raph would yell at him.

The scene played through Raph's mind again. He was fighting with his back to Mikey and could hear him laughing as he did something silly and knocked a foot ninja off his feet. He was always glad to put them in undignified positions. Then he heard him gasp loudly.

Raph turned to see a small knife in his brother's stomach. Then he snapped the offender's neck. Just reached out, grabbed his head and twisted. Should he have taken the time to deliberate? "If I'd hesitated, then Mikey could have been killed. Who knows what he could have done next."

"He might not have done anything." Don was a little louder now.

"He might have pulled it out and stuck it in two or three more times while I was wondering if this was a killing situation. I'm not a murderer, okay. I don't just go around killing because I like it. I'd rather be a killer than see one of you guys get killed. Now shut up and sleep."

Raph shouldn't have said that. He knew that Don hated seeing anyone killed, no matter the situation and he'd always gotten the job done. None of them had ever died because of it. Raph knew all of his arguments were hollow. Someone who could stick a knife in Mikey's stomach didn't deserve to live.

It was wet. Hadn't the bed been warm and dry?

_ "Twenty seven what?"_

Whose voice was that?

_ "Twenty seven what? You said a number."_

"I've killed twenty seven," Raph muttered as his eyes opened and the throbbing pain in his head returned. He shifted his head from the place it had been pressing onto the hard metal. He knew there was a bruise. It was Scott. He shouldn't have said that.

Scott made a sharp sound, like a gasp. _"You're a better killer than I am. Congrats. Maybe you can give me some pointers."_

"Sure." Stop killing. That was his advice. "Don't lock guys up who are better than killers than you are. It's bad for your future."

_ "Do you like it? Killing?"_

Did he like killing? He liked knowing that they were dead. He liked the fight, but not necessarily the kill. Sometimes he savored the death. Sometimes he understood the evil in their hearts and knew that the evil was aimed at someone he cared about. Then it was a good moment. Knowing that he had stamped it out for them. "I can take it or leave it. I have other hobbies."

_ "Who were these twenty seven? Were they girls?"_

Who was this guy? What a piece of trash. "They were all guys. And they were all hurting my… people…"

_"Your Leo and your April and these others on here?"_ He could hear his phone beeping as it was turned on. _"Don and Mikey and Sensei and Casey? You don't know many people, do you? I want to know who this Leo is. He's called about twelve times this morning. Doesn't take no for an answer, huh?"_

"He'll gut you like a fish when he finds you," Raph said. "Maybe fillet you."

_ "He's a killer too?"_

Raph hesitated. He'd never thought of Leo as a killer. He'd killed. But he didn't… "No, he isn't a killer."

He clicked off the walkie-talkie. Scott wasn't worth talking too. He was just filling his head with poison anyway. It was better to be alone than listen to that.

* * *

Raph's voice echoed in the metal box. He should call it a coffin. He was never getting out of this thing. He slammed his fist into the lid again. Was it better to meditate to death? Just lying there doing nothing? Totally useless. It didn't make any difference if he screamed until he shredded his throat. Nobody would hear or else they would hear and wouldn't come. And if they came, what would they find? He would be taken away to a lab and dissected for his trouble. What a rescue. He couldn't stay down here without dying and he couldn't be rescued without getting autopsied.

The roar rose until his throat ached and his fists hit the lid until blood spattered and his knuckles cracked.

The guttural screaming eventually turned into words. "I'M SORRY! JUST LET ME OUT! I'M SORRY! WHERE ARE YOU?"

But he didn't cry. He never did that. And then it was quiet again. The stars were out. There was a nice breeze coming in and he leaned his face towards it, trying to keep his eyes away from the water.

* * *

Was that a siren? It definitely sounded like one.

Scott was outside, talking to someone.

"Just put in a drainage system."

Drainage system? Was he outside of the city?

Raph was completely still and quiet. He couldn't let a cop find him.

The cop laughed with Scott at the price of septic tanks and the smell coming from the drainage field, which must be what he was blaming Raph's smell on. Did it smell that bad? He didn't really even notice anymore. He'd only pissed those three times and that was it.

And then the sound of the car door echoed faintly and the car drove away.

Raph wiped the sweat from his face and tried to stay focused through the fever and ignore the burning in his body as he closed his eyes to sleep again.


	3. Chapter 3

_I have no defense for the little Raphie speech impediment. I just find it cute. Sorry for the awkward cutoff and cliffhanger, but the chapter was getting a little long and needed a drop off point. Don't worry, I'm halfway through the last part._

_ "I've always wondered how long it takes to make a feral animal go docile. To take all the fight out of it. You know, wear it down until it's in total submission. How long do you think that takes? Seven, eight days?"_

Raph didn't answer. His mind wasn't working fast enough to come up with a witty reply. He was always about one comment off and so he just laid there in the dark, listening.

_ "Hungry?"_

His stomach was caving in.

"No. I wanted to go on a diet anyway." He'd gotten one in.

_ "You haven't been moving that much lately. Except when you're asleep. I hope you're not having bad dreams."_

He'd been having good dreams and that was the problem. Dreaming about Christmas and the time he'd eaten his first cookie and the time that Mikey painted on his shell when he was asleep. Then he woke up to find himself an inch deep in his own filth. His skin burned all the time, all over. But some of the cuts throbbed. They were the ones oozing with puss. And he was so hot and light headed. He couldn't focus on what Scott was saying half of the time.

"What?" He'd already forgotten.

_ "Dreams? Are you having bad dreams?"_

"No, they're good dreams." Why did he say that? He shouldn't say anything to him.

_ "Ever dream about that redheaded April?"_

He dreamed about April sometimes, but not as much as his brothers and father. Sometimes they were a little risqué, but it wasn't anything he was terribly embarrassed about. She was the only girl he knew, after all. April would just laugh about it anyway.

"My dreams are just memory stuff lately. I'm too tired to dream anything decent. I was dreaming about when we made s'mores on her stove and set her kitchen towel on fire. That was funny." More talking. Why was he talking to this guy? He should shut the thing off.

_ "You know, I asked those gang guys to find me the biggest, most vicious animal available. And they brought you. What do you think of that? You're just a beast that happens to talk."_

"I'm not…" His train of thought clouded as a muscle in his leg involuntarily contracted. He tried to stretch it out, but it cramped anyway.

Scott wasn't sounding like his normal chatty self. He sounded harder. More impatient with him. _"Listen up or I'll stop talking to you? Do you want that?"_

Raph didn't answer.

_ "I'm going to dig you up in a few days when you can't move. I have some other stuff to try out. But you can't move. I don't want to give you drugs either. That'll ruin it. You have to be awake."_

"Fuck you," Raph manage to gasp out between muscle spasms. He had pulled many muscles in his lifetime. Torn tendons and ligaments, but he'd always been too healthy for a cramp. Now he wouldn't make fun of April when she complained about them.

_ "Your Leo didn't call so many times today. Your April called about five times. So, you ever screwed around with her?"_

He didn't even hear him now. He just spouted garbage most of the time, but he was compelled to listen, just to hear a voice.

_ "Maybe you're more into this Leo that you won't talk about."_

"You shut up."

He clicked off the walkie-talkie and continued uselessly stretching his leg.

* * *

It rained heavily. He could see the dark clouds and the thunder shook so hard that he had to cover his ears. He'd never done that before. He'd always called his brothers sissies for covering their ears outdoors during thunderstorms. But now his head rang like his brain was vibrating against his skull.

And water was pouring in through his breathing pipe. He pushed himself up at an awkward angle to keep his mouth and nose out of the water. At least the water would be diluted and smell less. He hoped.

It would be harder to sleep. He might sink back down and his head might loll to the side. The warrior Hamato Raphael might just drown in two inches of water.

* * *

Donny had dropped his cookie in the toilet. Well, it wasn't a proper toilet. It was really a bucket that they called a toilet. They didn't have indoor plumbing until Don was old enough to figure out how to install such luxuries and then they had the extreme good fortune to find working bathroom fixtures on dump runs.

He remembered Don sitting on the floor next to the bucket crying. They'd never had cookies before. They'd never even seen a cookie. Master Splinter had given them each one after dinner, telling them, "You will only get one tonight. I do not want you making yourselves sick." He glanced significantly at Mikey, who was pulling on the hem of his robe, eager to get at his dessert.

Leo called Raph to him and pointed in the door. "Don dropped his in the bucket. Now he won't get one." Leo was munching insensitively on his own cookie as he related his tale of compassion. Raph thought it was awfully mean to eat a cookie in front of a man who had none.

He went to Splinter's room and waited in the doorway for him to notice his presence. He'd been afraid of Master Splinter's room as a child. It seemed a lot bigger when he small. That and he was usually paddled in that room. He was paddled almost as much as Mikey.

"Sensei?" he asked.

"Yes, Raphael?"

"Donny lost his cookie. Can I's give him mine?" He didn't talk right for some reason as a kid. Mikey used to make fun of it until he was big enough to beat him up.

"Yes, you may."

The rest of his brothers had followed him and were all listening. Don wiped his eyes as he took his new cookie. Mikey helpfully crammed his cookie into his mouth whole before he was forced into a similar act of charity against his will. Leo had already eaten his.

Leo said, "I should have gaven him mine."

"That's okay," Don said, sniffing. "I don't want it anyway. Cookies. Gross."

They all knew he was lying. Raph insisted and forced it back into his hand.

"Go on. Eat it."

And he watched him eat the whole thing.

Where was he? Still in the box?

He stared at the metal in front of his face for a second in absolute shock. He was still there. It had been over a week. He was sure of it. It was absurd. How was that even possible?

And he was crying. His chest erupted in painful sobs and his quickened breathing made his sick head flutter. He bit down on the wails that were threatening to make themselves heard and his throat filled as he swallowed over and over.

But he couldn't stop the tears. He wiped his face over and over as they pooled up on his jaw line.

Just as he felt that he would be strangled from sobbing so hard, he heard Scott's voice. _"Do you miss Leo?"_

"I want to go home," he said. He couldn't believe the childlike hopelessness in his voice. It was almost like he was listening to someone next to him. "Why did they leave me here?"

_"Maybe he doesn't want you back."_ Scott sounded bored. _"Who is this guy?"_

"My brother." The words were barely recognizable though the mucus in his throat. The suppressed wailing made its way out and rang through the box. He took a lungful of air and let it back out, somehow relieved by the release of despair. "They're dead!" He wailed to himself, not caring that Scott could hear him. "They're dead and I wasn't there!"

Scott's breathing filled the small space. It sounded like he was holding his walkie-talkie very close to his face. _"You're scared."_

Raph knew he was enjoying it. Scott could see him and hear him and thoroughly revel in his misery. Well, he would put an end to that. He turned off the walkie-talkie and opened up the back panel pulling out the batteries. He threw them into the water and let the walkie-talkie land next to it for good measure. Then he did what he had been too stupid to do before. He looked for the camera.

He could barely see through the steady flow of tears, but at least his crying would be private now. He ran his hands along the metal as far as he could and then ran his legs against the sides of the box where his hands wouldn't reach.

But he didn't feel it anywhere. He covered his eyes, and felt his lungs heaving with sobs. He wouldn't let Scott have this. It was private.

How could he even see in there anyway? It had to be near his face or else he couldn't work the camera at an angle to see him. The hole had to have been very small or he would have seen it by now. It was directly overhead. He opened his eyes and there it was. Right in front of his face the whole time. The paint was scratched around the area to disguise the slight inconsistency in color.

There was no way to cover that spot. But there had to be a way. His hands fell into the putrefying water and he felt a slight amount of silt settled at the bottom. He rubbed in his fingertips and waved dramatically at the camera hole. Goodbye, Scott. Raph reached up and smeared the sediment over the lens until it was thoroughly covered.

The sobbing quieted down almost immediately, although the tears never fully quit before he fell asleep again.

* * *

There was a flashlight in his face and a blast of fresh air hit him, burning his throat. Through the disorientation he saw someone straddling over the box, holding a flashlight in their hand. How had he not noticed that the box was being dug up? He should have heard it.

"Leo?"

"Sorry, turtle," Scott said. His hands reached under Raph's arms and he felt himself being lifted out of the water.

He decided to let himself be heaved out of the water, like deadweight. He had no energy to do it himself. Why do the work himself? All of his energy was precious at this point.

And then he was lying on the damp grass in the fresh air, on his side. The wet grass felt like ice and he shivered convulsively. Slowly, his mind worked to the decision that he needed to do something to Scott so he could get away. It was an agonizing new experience, to lie there with an enemy a few feet away, too mentally evaporated to react quickly enough to save himself.

He could force him down and smother him. Put his hand over his mouth. He would have shuddered if he wasn't already convulsing. That was the lowest form of killing, but he had to save himself somehow. Nobody would do it for him.

But his eyes were shutting down and he realized that Scott had injected him before he'd even woken up. He wanted to say something defiant, but no words formed in time.

There was a pair of dead animal eyes looking back at him. Raph wanted to turn his head or at least look away, but he couldn't move. It was dry here. Indoors.

"I wanted to do this a different way, but you had to go ruin it. So now I'm going to take your shell off."

Take off his shell? Why didn't he just take off his head?

The animal was moved away from him. It must have been large because Scott heaved as he dragged it away. It was beige and had thin legs.

A deer.

There were some extra parts left on the floor where it had been.

Scott's voice echoed in clearer focus. "I didn't finish breaking you."

He grabbed Raph by the face and forced him to look into his eyes. "I'll have to do it the hard way."

Nothing he said processed in his mind. Scott was going to break something. Too hot and tired to care anymore. He didn't feel it right away. The pain burst into his side after the impact. Raph reached his hand to the source of the pain, crying out in a belated roar. There was an ice pick in his side, about an inch deep. Scott pulled it out and Raph felt a warmth that he knew was blood. He had to do something. His body was willing to react, but his mind needed to give him a heading and nothing was happening. Scott was going to pry off his shell with the ice pick while he still alive. "Why?" Raph gasped. "Just leave me alone, you bastard."

"I want to see how it works. And I like doing it up close anyway. Don't you like it better that way? From one killer to another. Isn't it better? It's more intimate?"

When he bent down to stick him again, he would grab him by the throat. He was still stronger than Scott. He just needed to work up the strength to move his arms to use them.

There was a voice nearby, but he didn't know what it said right away.

"Put it down!" it said.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry for the previous cliffhanger. It felt cruel but…_

Raph tilted his head. "April?" What was in her hand? A shotgun? Could she shoot a gun?

Then a more panicked idea formed. Could April shoot a person?

Scott's ice pick fell to his side. "You're redheaded April. How'd you find him?" His legs worked dully. Scott shouldn't talk to her. He wasn't worth it.

"Put that thing down!" she said again. Her voice was quavering and Raph's heart sank. He knew she couldn't do it. She couldn't shoot this person, even to save him.

Scott took a few steps toward April. "No, stop," Raph muttered to him, his voice so dry and gravelly that it was barely audible.

She stumbled backward and bumped into the dead deer. Its antler caught on her jacket and she turned around, startled. Scott ran forward to with the ice pick in hand. Raph's mind immediately calculated the possible outcomes. April with an ice pick buried in her torso was a possible outcome. April shooting Scott and getting a body count was the worst possible outcome.

Raph's body filled instantly with adrenalin. All the pain vanished in a wonderful surge of fury and he jumped to his feet, the blood leaking out of his side. He ran at Scott and collided with him, throwing all his weight against him to force him off balance. Scott landed on his face on the floor and Raph threw himself on his back and pinned his free arm to the side. They both held on to the ice pick. Scott's grip was firmer and healthier. But Raph pound on Scott's back and then let his fist smash into the back of his head. Scott kept moving and then April's hand grabbed the ice pick out of his hand.

Raph bent down and said into Scott's ear, "It takes more than eight days to break me." Then he muttered, "Twenty eight," to himself as he reached down and snapped Scott's neck. The crack of his vertebrae shattering echoed all over the room. April was safe. Still clutching her shotgun and the ice pick and shaking, but she was safe. He collapsed on his side, the pain hitting him like a brick wall. His chest heaved as he held his hand against the gash in his side.

April sat next to him and took off her jacket, pressing it to his side. "I'm so sorry," she said. Her hands were shaking so much that she dropped the jacket.

"Leo," he croaked.

"They all went with Casey to the farm. They took my van. Look at your skin. Poor baby. What did he do to you?"

Raph tried to sit up. He'd been lying down for a week and he wouldn't do it anymore. He leaned against the wall. "I pissed myself." It seemed important at the moment for some reason. She put her free arm around his neck and tried to put his arms around her, but he couldn't quite manage it.

She snuffed back tears. "Well, I won't tell anyone. I'm so sorry I didn't come right away. None of us thought it was an emergency. They all went down to the farm and took my van and I stayed home because I had inventory to do and you were gone and they thought you were still mad." She stopped her panicked babbling to lean over and kiss him several times and then continued. That's what she did when she thought they were dying. "And then I got that creepy phone call and it sounded weird so I used some of Don's software to track the signal. The GPS and it said you were practically to Vermont and that didn't sound right. And then I looked into the police records and it said that the police came to a house near where your signal was and then I was all freaked out and the guys couldn't get here in time, but they told me to stay home anyway."

He was too exhausted to really understand what she was saying. He just wanted to know where his family was and why they weren't with her. "So I took Casey's shotgun that he got from his dad and figured out how to fire it and drove up here because they couldn't be here for hours and hours and they're on their way now. We'll meet them halfway. I have to get you in the car. The sooner Don sees you the better."

Car? There was a strange car parked in front of the mailbox at an odd angle. "It's a rental," she said, as he leaned on her and hobbled to the car, covered in a blanket.

He winced at every step, but he could bare it. He collapsed into the front seat, refusing to lie in the back. He could sleep sitting up, if necessary. She talked nonstop for what seemed like hours. Worrying and asking him what happened. It wasn't that he didn't want to answer. He physically couldn't. His mind would process what she was saying before she was on to something else. It was a relief. He didn't really want to explain it anyway.

After a while he asked her questions. She didn't respond and he grew more insistent.

"I can't understand you, sweetie. That's Japanese."

It didn't matter. He couldn't keep his eyes open. His sais. His phone. They were back at Scott's house. He reached out and grabbed the dashboard suddenly. "My stuff! We left my stuff! I need my sais! Scott has them! We have…"

"Calm down. I got them on the way out." She sounded scared. Maybe she was scared of him. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep through the car trip, but every bump and sound make his head feel like it was about to split. And he was hot, but shivering so much that he couldn't let his head rest against anything, but the movement hurt.

* * *

"Is he okay?"

"He smells like a toilet."

"Get away, Michelangelo. Are you alright, Raphael? He has a high fever. What should we do?"

That was his father's voice. Raph said a few words, but wasn't sure what they were.

The voices grew silent at his statement.

Master Splinter said, "No, we won't leave you. Donatello, come here at once!"

And Casey was nearby, yelling at April for something. That wasn't fair. He should stop that. "Leave her alone, douche bag."

Leo's happy, nervous laughter.

"Leo?"

"Yeah, I'm right here." He felt his hand on his shoulder and grabbed it. Squeezed it so hard that he could break his bones. His own bones were broken and it hurt, but it didn't matter.

Then he forced his eyes open as wide as he could make them. The cars were parked nose to nose in an open field. Casey and April were further away from them in the headlights of the van. She was justifying her actions. "She saved me," he said blandly to whoever was nearest.

Mikey was crying loudly somewhere. "Mike, come here," he said.

He was tackled. Mikey threw himself at him, gripping him around the neck. "What happened? You were gone for a long time! Was that sicko hurting you the whole time? We have to go back and kill him." His sweetness was punctuated by a serious death threat.

"No! Don't!" Raph said. Baby brother didn't need a kill. He remembered that Scott was already dead. "Twenty eight."

Leo pulled Mikey away by the shell. "Twenty eight, huh?" Leo knew exactly what he meant without any more explanation.

"He buried me in a box for a week."

Nobody said anything. He knew that April didn't know what had gone on that whole time and he instantly regretted saying it. Now they would all feel sorry for him. He should have kept it to himself. His failure. He'd been captured for a week straight without getting away or contacting them. What a ninja.

"In a box?" Don asked, grabbing one of his infected wounds for an inspection. "Why?"

Raph curled up slightly. He wasn't going to say anything else.

"We must get home," Splinter said. "April, what you did was rash and impulsive and rather stupid, but I'm very glad that you did it."

She hiccupped at him. Raph thought she looked like she was going to be sick. "Thanks," he said. But his voice was too quiet for her to hear and she and Casey got in the rental car and pulled away.

He spent the ride home resting against Leo's shoulder, while Mikey rested against his own shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

_A request for more closure and an excuse do to more awful things to Raph. I'm sorry, Raph._

"Mikey, do you think Raph's hot?" Leo felt of Raph's forehead as he shifted him off his shoulder to look into his eyes. Mikey had been lying on Raph's other shoulder and woke up with a bleary eyed jerk as his pillow moved out from under his head.

The streetlights occasionally filled the dark van with enough orange light to see into Raph's face. His eyes were half shut and what he could see was as bloodshot as if he were drunk. He couldn't remember ever seeing that kind of a dull look on his face. Completely passive. Light and shadow passed over his face, but his eyes didn't react. The sockets were dark and his face was thin. Leo cringed when he saw that Raph's lips were cracked and bleeding.

"I think Raph's cute too, Leo," Mikey said, unable to prevent the joke from escaping, although there was no joy in it.

Master Splinter sighed. "Now is not the time."

It had been nice up until that moment. They were all together in the comforting privacy of the van. It was quiet and dark and Leo watched the trees and farms go past as they drove back into the city. Raph was safe and asleep against him. Don was driving and chatting to Splinter about the distance they had traveled that day. He'd lulled himself into a place of contentment, blocking out the sores and whimpering groans from Raph every fifteen minutes or so. It was so selfish of him.

Mikey reached around Raph to feel of his forehead with his hand. Then he took off his seatbelt and got out of his seat, sitting in front of Raph and leaning his cheek against his forehead.

"You're right. He's real hot. Is it just me or is he panting like a dog?"

"What?" Don broke out of his hypnotic driving trance.

"Should we pull over so that you may examine him?" Master Splinter asked.

Don knew that this was more of a demand than a request and pulled over onto the shoulder. He unfastened his seatbelt and climbed into the back with his brothers. "Mikey, can you…?"

They exchange places. "Why didn't you take his pulse?" Don muttered as he placed a finger against Raph's neck. It was damp and hot and Raph flinched at the touch and moved closer against Leo.

"Sorry, I didn't think of it. I should have. Raph, wake up." His arms went limp and slipped down into his lap. He ignited with panic when he realized that Raph may not be conscious.

Don shook him lightly and his head lolled to the side. "Okay, okay, okay…" he muttered. "He needs… uh… a lot… okay… okay…"

"What!" Leo shouted. "What are you doing?"

"He's really dehydrated and I don't think he's been eating. Did he say he was in a box? Like he was trapped?"

"Yes, he did," Master Splinter said, turning all the way around in his seat. "Is he asleep or unconscious? Speed up, Michelangelo."

"The speed limit…"

"Never mind the speed limit." There was an unusual urgency in his voice.

Leo felt the gas pedal hit the floor and they were all thrown back a little at the burst of speed. Don fell backward into the seat from his squatting position next to Raph.

"He has some kind of tissue damage. It had better not be gangrenous."

"Gangrene!" Leo cried. "Why didn't you say that when we first saw him! I was just sitting here doing nothing!"

"You can't use your eyes? I thought it was obvious!"

"Arguing will not help." Master Splinter reached into the back and snatched Don's phone off his belt and dialed a number. "Yes, April. Do you have any knowledge of what happened to Raphael?" He paused as he waited for her to explain and his whiskers drooped progressively as she went on. "Thank you anyway. He is in danger, I think."

Leo looked out the window at the trees speeding past. There were still no cars within sight. They were too far away from the city. His stomach ached with worry.

Raph moved his mouth as Don delicately pulled at the bloody skin on Raph's arm, assessing the tissue damage. "Took… took… Scott…"

"Took what?" Leo asked, leaning down to hear him.

"Can I get some light?" Don asked in the direction of the front seat.

Mikey turned a corner as fast as he could and nearly capsized the van. "We'll be seen. There's a flashlight in the glove compartment."

"…took her hands… the deer…" Raph mumbled as his eyelids fluttered.

Leo shrugged at Don as he adjusted his failing weight against his body. Don pushed Raph back up with one hand. "We need an IV bag. Lots of them, actually. He needs intravenous… everything. Holy crap. How did this happen? Look at his skin."

Don held the flashlight over the skin on Raph's arms, which were purplish and had a strange texture. "That's fungus. And the sores are full of staph. The panting and the fever make me think it's in his blood. If it's wound sepsis. That's like…"

The van accelerated at a jump.

"What do you need?" Master Splinter asked. "You have antibiotics."

"Wait!" Don said, pulling Leo's arms from Raph and almost letting Raph slide onto the floor. "Staph is catching. We shouldn't touch him."

Leo automatically reached out to grab him again. "I'll risk it. I've already touched him anyway."

"Was he in a fight?" Master Splinter was now making his way into the back to join them. "Those are unusual wounds."

"That's not from…" Don looked away uncomfortably. "Somebody was cutting on him. Like slicing him. And they're really old. There's a lot of healing. But it's bad healing. Like it never scabbed or something. Oh, it's disgusting."

"Poor Raphie," Mikey said quietly.

The van ride into the city seemed to take hours and hours. Then Leo looked at the clock and realized that it had taken hours and hours. He and Don were sitting on the floor of the van looking across at Raph, who was lying on his side across the seat. His plastron heaved up down in short, quick breaths. Raph was half conscious, occasionally opening his eyes to groan at them and ask for something to drink.

Luckily, the van was filled with half-full bottles of water, soda and juice. "You thirsty again?" Don asked him.

Raph barely nodded. Leo hunted under the seats, gathering the rolling bottles of liquid together. Three bottles of water, one bottle of raspberry tea and a half full bottle of orange juice.

"He needs an IV," Don said to Leo almost silently as he helped Raph sit an angle to drink, holding his head up. "He needs more than this. And he's too weak to drink what he needs. You need to drink more, Raph."

Raph shook his head no and fell back into the seat.

"His skin is so… clammy," Leo said, feeling of Raph's arm.

"Sensei," Don said, in a wheedling tone. Leo's curiosity was peaked. Why was Don begging right now? Did he want to go through a drive through or something?

He was about to open his mouth in judgment against him when Don said, "We need to go to a hospital. Like… as soon as we get into the city. He needs an anti-fungal and something for the staph and fluids and it all needs to be intravenous. I don't think I can give him this stuff by mouth."

"Do you have those things?" Master Splinter asked.

What if it was too risky? Too risky to get the things they needed to fix Raph. He was breathing hard through his mouth in short yelping breaths.

"No. I can only think of… getting them from the hospital." He was wringing his hands and looking into this lap.

"That is stealing, my son."

Nobody spoke for a second. Raph coughed. Don reached blindly under the seat and pulled out his laptop. Leo knew it must be bad. He was retreating to the comfort of an illuminated screen. Safety in the display of reassuring information. Don said in a shaky emotion-suppressed voice, "It would be better not to bother, I guess. He has almost half a chance of dying even if we get it because of the blood infection. That's why he's gasping like that. But never mind."

"Do not speak to me with so little respect," Splinter said. Leo had a sudden urge to be outside of the van. He distracted himself by feeling of Raph's pulse and counting the beats. The quick throbs made his throat tighten. "I know full well how serious his condition is. Can you think of any other way to get these supplies?"

Mikey screeched to a halt at a red light. "Drive to Canada?"

"No, not unless gangs happen to sell intravenous anti-fungals and anti-staph meds around here. I have an IV rig at home. I just need stuff to put in it." He hissed through his teeth. "We'll need a lot. We might need to go back." He looked frantically at Splinter, realizing his slip into presumption. "I mean, if that's what you decide. I don't mean to… Whatever you decide."

"Where's the hospital from here? Left or right?" Mikey asked. He looked at Splinter meaningfully, registering his unwanted opinion.

Leo watched as his father and Mikey looked each other in the eye for several seconds before Mikey turned back to the road.

Master Splinter said, "Which is the nearest hospital, Donatello? We will find a way to pay them back for what we take and you will document everything. You will count it. We cannot let Raphael die simply because we were too polite to obtain what he needs to survive."

Leo sighed in relief. "I think you take the next exit, Mike. And hurry because he's unconscious."


	6. Chapter 6

_Guess I should put up a disclaimed. Don't be offended if you like turtlecest. I could care less what you read. But my version of the boys doesn't have those kinds of leanings and their reaction to it is about the same as most siblings I know. _

Leo knew it would happen for some reason. He hadn't consciously come to that conclusion, but when it happened, he felt no surprise.

He carried his delirious brother through the sewer tunnels as fast as he could manage. Raph was heavy, even when he had been starved for a week. Master Splinter was far ahead of them, preparing the way. Making the bed in the lab. Turning on the lights.

Raph's head twitched and one of his hands reached up and fell on Leo's plastron. Leo looked down. His eyes were open and roaming. Raph let out a panicked cry that made Mikey stumble.

"What's wrong?" Mikey said, turning towards them and trying to pat Raph on the arm as they traveled, even though he was carrying a heavy box full of stolen medical supplies.

His deep voice filled the tunnel. There were no words at first. Just emotion. His hand worked against Leo's chest desperately, clawing.

"Put him down," Don said. "No, don't… I mean stop for a second."

Leo knelt down carefully, holding Raph up in a more comfortable position. "What's wrong?" he asked him.

"Turn the light on…" Raph mumbled, turning away from Don, trying to hide his eyes from them. "It's too dark. Leo…?"

"I'm here. I've got you."

He didn't expect the next thing that came out of Raph's mouth. He expected him to look for reassurance. To ask him if he was okay. But maybe that was just wishful thinking. "I fucking hate you! Get away from me!" And he kicked out against him, struggling to escape him. His voice rose to an unrestrained roar. "FUCK YOU! GET AWAY! WHY DO YOU HATE ME? I KNOW I'M IN HELL!"

Mikey burst out crying and dropped the box in the dirty water.

Don screamed outright. "MIKEY, YOU ASS! PICK THAT UP! NOW!"

He yelped and picked up the precious materials out of the contamination.

Leo was struggling to keep a hold on Raph as he fought him with all the strength he had left. He passed his brother to Don, taking the other box of supplies instead. It seemed like a poor trade.

Raph's voice dissolved into weak crying as Don tried to get a grip on him. He wasn't as strong as Leo and it would be harder for him to manage.

The lab was cold from their absence, but the space heater was buzzing and the lights were on. The clean sheets were already on the bed. Don carefully put Raph on the bed and then turned to the supplies, ordering Mikey and Master Splinter to fetch what he needed, without any regard for rank or respect. Both obeyed him without question.

Leo could only stand next to the bed, watching Raph, listening to his cries. "I'm sorry! Let me out! I promise I'll never hurt nobody again. I just want Leo…"

"I'm Leo. I'm right here," Leo said, his voice high pitched.

His face filled with aggression and he yelled, "YOU ARE NOT HIM! HE WOULD HAVE KILLED ME BY NOW! I WANT TO GO HOME!"

"Can't we do something about the…" Mikey muttered as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and pulled out the thankfully dry IV bags from the box.

Don threw open his medical trunk and rummaged. He pulled out a vial and syringe. "This should calm him down. Put him to sleep for a while. I can't afford for him to rip out his IV and I know how he likes to shred stuff."

Raph sat up with a speed that shocked Leo and threw himself in his arms, sobbing so frantically that it made Leo afraid that he would have a seizure. "DON'T LET HIM TOUCH ME, LEO! I'M SO SORRY! I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP ANYMORE! IT'S DARK WHEN I SLEEP!"

Leo held him tightly, fighting back his own tears. He had never heard him so frightened and he had heard all kinds of wild emotions from Raph. But this was something new that he never wanted to experience again. He was shaking in his arms, his soaked face against his.

Master Splinter turned Raph's face towards his own and said, "I will not let anyone harm you. This will help you to rest."

"105 degrees," Don muttered, as he pulled a thermometer out from under Raph's arm.

And the needle went into Raph's forearm before Leo could assure him or make any other comments. Master Splinter petted Raph's arm as his head gradually sank down onto Leo's shoulder. The sedative hadn't taken effect yet. He had just lost the strength to hold it up. His chest was heaving painfully against Leo's as he wept quietly.

They laid him back onto the bed and his eyes drifted closed.

* * *

Don hovered over the IV line, staring it, daring it to stop working. Sometimes he felt Raph's pulse. Sometimes he took his temperature. There was nothing to do really but wait and see. Wait and see if the fever went down. He knew that if it got any higher he may have permanent brain damage.

He needed to pack him in ice or cool towels. He would do that next.

April was there somewhere, but he didn't particularly care. She had brought back some things from the guy's house and had forbidden anyone but Master Splinter, herself and Leo from looking at it. It was all just as well with him. He was too busy to care. He was grateful that she had saved him, but too distracted by Raph's labored breathing and racing pulse to thank her.

* * *

April sat on Leo's bed with a laptop on her knees and Master Splinter and Leo on either side. Mikey was in the kitchen making them all a breakfast that they wouldn't eat.

"This is really disturbing stuff, but I think it'll be helpful later on. I don't know. Maybe we'll all just be scarred for life for no reason." She opened the laptop and clicked a few files. One was labeled "raphael3".

Splinter pointed vaguely at it. One of his sons' names appearing on a stranger's computer must be bone chilling, Leo thought. A video file opened and there was Raph. The film was dark with a green hue.

"Night vision," Leo muttered.

Raph was staring blankly ahead and into the camera. There was more vitality in his face and movements. Leo wondered if they would ever see that again. Then he mentally abused himself for allowing such a hopeless thought.

There was a strange voice. _"My girlfriend's name was Cassie. Cassie Woodhouse. She lived with me for two years. She wasn't that much to look at, but she gave great head."_

Master Splinter snarled at the crude remark.

"Congratulations," Raph said, his trademark sarcasm still in place. "I'm sure she was real pleased to have a sick fucker like you for a boyfriend."

The voice laughed and it made Leo sick. It was so friendly and normal. _"You have such a dirty mouth. It's great. Anyway, I told her to wash the dishes and she told me to do them myself. And I took an empty beer bottle and hit her over the head with it."_

Raph's eyes roved the space in front of him in obvious discomfort at the confession.

The voice asked suddenly, _"You ever keep stuff when you kill people?"_

"No. I've got enough crap in my room without foot ninja teeth on necklaces."

April gave a small laugh.

_ "I kept her hands."_

Master Splinter covered his mouth. Leo wished this man was alive so he could kill him again.

"Kept her hands?" Raph's defiant expression was tarnished with disgust and fear. "You cut off her hands? Why?"

The voice was so casual. _"Well, at first I thought I should keep them so that they couldn't make an ID on her if she was found because of fingerprints. I pulled out all her teeth with pliers too. I have them in a jar in the garage. Her hands are in the freezer. Seemed fitting since she wouldn't lift a finger and do any housework. I can't believe you haven't kept anything."_

Raph opened his mouth and then bit his lip. "Was she dead when you did that?"

_ "Maybe. I don't know."_

April put a hand on Master Splinter's arm and said, "Don't worry. We looked and didn't find any teeth or hands. Casey thinks he made this stuff up to scare him."

"Looks like it worked," Leo said, squinting at the screen at his little brother's eyes.

The voice continued. _"I'm going to do the same to you, you know. But I'll do other stuff first so that you're dead. Don't worry. Well, wait…" _The voice paused._ "It won't be necessary unless you're in the system. You have finger prints on record anywhere?"_

April closed the file. "He just babbles after that. There are some others on here that seem important. He clipped them out anyway. Here's one. Oh!" She looked over at Leo suddenly. "I don't need to tell you not to let Mikey see this."

Master Splinter said, "Do not worry. None of us will watch these dreadful things when we are finished. He looks so tired now."

He was right. Raph's eyes were dark and exhausted and he was fighting to keep them open. The voice said, _"So which one of you is the butch? You or Leo?"_

"What?" Raph slurred, opening his eyes. "I'm Butch. He's Fearless."

_ "Oh, I thought you would be."_

"The… wait… we're not… you sick bastard…"

Leo closed his eyes for a second. What had he been doing at the time? Probably playing outside at the farm, enjoying himself and gloating because Raph was stuck at home. He was really trapped underground listening to this person insinuate that they had an incestuous relationship.

_ "You won't tell me how you know him or who he is. He's a turtle like you, right? He looks like one on your phone pictures. I assume that means that you two are hooking up."_

"Fuck off." Raph turned off the walkie-talkie and the shot was silent. He sighed loudly and closed his tired eyes.

"At least it was short," Leo said, rubbing his temples.

April opened another clip and Leo thought that it was no wonder that Raph was panicking if he had to listen to this for a week straight with no way to resist.

The voice said, _"I've been thinking about hell lately."_

"Good," Raph said. He looked miserable. His eyes were swollen as if he'd just been crying. "You'll be there soon."

_"You're awful tough for a guy stuck in a box in my backyard. Anyway, I think it's dark. There isn't any light. And you're trapped and you can't move. Plus, it's hot. How hot is it today? 92? And you ask for a drink of water and all they'll give you is enough to cover the end of your little finger. And you know that all your loved ones are out there somewhere and you'll never see them again. You're totally helpless and have no way to get out of it. You'll be there forever. Nobody cares enough to save you."_

Raph covered his face with his hands.

_ "I know you're scared. You don't need to hide it. Even if you get out of here. You'll end up in hell someday. Probably with those twenty seven people you killed all waiting for you. That'll be a happy reunion, right?"_

Leo looked away as Raph released a pent up sob. "I'm not going to hell. You… shut up…" He sounded very childish as he fumbled for the off switch on the walkie-talkie.

April snapped the laptop closed as soon as possible. "I don't know if that helped," she said, her voice shaking slightly.

"It already makes a little more sense. He's said some things. It'll help when he wakes up."

* * *

Leo spent the rest of the day sitting in the lab, watching Raph's body convulse. Sitting through the mild seizure that racked his body. Held up his arm while Don bandaged his broken fingers. Listened to him talk in his sleep, asking for his father, sometimes demanding to go home. Reaching uselessly for weapons that weren't there. Felt his fluttering pulse and watched his chest heaving.

His eyes opened a crack. Leo leaned into his field of vision because he knew he was too weak to look around at him. "Raph, can you hear me?"

No response at first. Just stared at the ceiling, unseeing. His breath escaping through his mouth in loud dry bursts. "Where's Leo?" his voice hardly sounded like a voice.

He held on to his wrist. It was too warm. "I'm right here. It's me."

"Tell him I'm scared." He closed his eyes again.


	7. Chapter 7

_Maybe there's something wrong with me, but hugs with my sister creep me out and we're really close. I think I'll call this the end._

Sometimes the only thing that kept Leo going was the knowledge that this would eventually end. Someday they would be out of this forest and back into the open. Trials never endured forever. There would be an end in sight.

He told himself that over and over as he watched Raph lying there, asleep or unconscious. Even if his brother died, he would mourn. And the mourning would go away eventually. Any way it turned out, something good would happen. If Raph died, then his pain would end. Leo would grieve and they would all feel sorry for him and then it would be over and they would adjust.

But he knew that none of that was true. If Raph died, his own life would stop. There would be no time for grief. Not for his own. Mikey and Don would need consoling. They were selfish sometimes. He didn't even have time for his own suffering.

That was better. Grief would just strangle him until he couldn't fight or make decisions. With the loss of one, their enemies would take advantage. The weakened morale and loss of a fighter would guarantee that another loss was close on the horizon.

Leo knew Raph too well. He could read every expression and glance and most of the time he didn't like what he saw. They had known each other virtually from birth and witnessed the other doing every possible activity. They had seen each other at their absolute worst and most private moments and it secretly made Leo sick to think that anybody knew him that well. It must be nice for people who can keep secrets.

Right now, Raph was lying on his side, his arms in front of him with the slight worried expression that a baby makes when it wants to fuss. He was waking up again. Leo cringed. Raph had woken up six times over the course of the day, only asking for water, for his father and then screaming at him that he wished Leo were dead.

Don read the slightly more cognitive look in the wrinkling of Raph's forehead and leaned down, putting a hand on his shoulder, looking down in his face. Leo backed up automatically to make room. "Raph? You awake?"

Indistinct muttering. Leo looked hard at him. This sounded a little different from the panicked cries he'd grown accustomed to.

"I'm going to give you something for the pain. It might help you wake up." He spoke loudly and clearly, as if Raph were deaf.

Raph could only groan. Leo couldn't tell if it was an assent or a refusal. Don was in charge here and it didn't matter what Raph said either way. Raph's fingers worked slightly against the sheets. He pulled them into his hand and held on.

Don stuck a syringe into the IV line.

Nothing to do but wait for something to happen. Leo leaned back in the chair and sighed. Closed his eyes to half-meditate to pass the time.

Raph's voice shocked him out of his artificial solitude. "What's up my ass?" he asked, in a quiet and raw voice.

"Up your…?" It took a second for Leo to work around to an answer. "Oh, that's a catheter."

Raph smiled at him softly. It was a look he couldn't remember. "This is good stuff he gave me…" He coughed.

"It must be." He could help smiling very ridiculously for some reason. He wasn't happy. He was actually very disturbed. But his face muscles couldn't do anything but grin.

Raph concentrated and pushed his hands down on the mattress, trying to sit up. Leo reached out and helped him into a half sitting position. Raph held his arms out to him. "Come here."

Leo called out the lab door, "Don, did you O.D. him?"

"I don't think so!" he called back. "It's strong stuff! He might be kind of hazy for a while!"

Leo looked back at Raph who had let his arms drop, but was holding them out to him again. "I'd rather not," he said, putting one of Raph's arms to his side.

He was disappointed for a second and then recovered with a smile. "You look real tired. Did somebody kick your ass?"

"Kind of."

"I'm at home?" His eyes roamed around the lab. "Where's April?"

Leo's hand hovered in space, wondering what he should do. "She's at home. She's fine."

He nodded and then he closed his eyes for awhile and Leo thought he was asleep again. Leo's head shot up. He had a perfect opportunity to talk to Raph openly for once before the narcotics wore off and his defenses came up. He shook him awake and felt Raph's muscles freeze and he blinked up at him with momentary terror. "It's just me."

Raph held his arms out to him again and this time Leo swallowed and against his better judgment leaned down against him. Raph put his arms around his body and pulled him down in a grip that let him know that he wasn't getting up any time soon. He tried to make himself comfortable in his awkward position, even though his legs were hanging off the bed in space. It was a strange feeling. For some reason he would rather hold Raph than be the one being held. It seemed like he was on the wrong end of the hug.

It was a testament to the quality of the painkillers, Leo thought as Raph nuzzled him slightly and then let his arms relax. He couldn't remember the last time he had hugged Raph. He hugged Mikey a lot. But there was something about Raph that forbade physical affection of the most basic kind and it made even a post-trauma hug feel extremely awkward. Leo put his hand on Raph's side and patted slightly. Raph's body heat was both reassuring and disgusting at the same time and he tried to block out the familiar smell. Things could have gone so differently though. He could be lying here, wishing he were warm. Smelling him before it was gone. Why couldn't he enjoy it while it was here? It wasn't right. He was more comfortable when Raph stabbed him than when he hugged him.

"You're a good brother," Raph said. "Are we in hell?"

The last sentence was spoken so simply that Leo couldn't understand it at first.

He spoke into Raph's pillow and neck and said, "Hell? No. We're home."

"How do you know?" His voice was barely audible, even though Leo's ear was against his face. "Maybe all this is a trick. I'm being punished all the time. I'm going to wake up in the dark and hear him talking again."

He heard Mikey come in the room, but he wasn't saying anything. Just watching the awkward brotherly affection. Waiting for his turn.

"I'm perfect, remember? How could you be in hell if I'm here?" That sounded so arrogant. He couldn't tell him that he would keep him out of hell. Don't be stupid, that'll never happen. He didn't know. His instincts told him to say he would protect him from that fate at all costs, but that was a road he would have to go down by himself someday.

But Mikey did it for him. "You won't go there. I'll send you to heaven myself if I have to!"

Raph giggled halfheartedly in Leo's ear. The sound was wet and full of mucus. Leo pushed himself back to look in Raph's face. "I can assure you of one thing. That will never happen again. You're at home. You're not dreaming or dead or anything. You're safe, okay."

Normally, these kinds of reassurances would cause an outburst, but he just nodded. "I missed you." His eyes were rolling a little, as if he were falling asleep against his will. "He said you didn't want me anymore."

"Well, he was an evil monster!" Mikey said loudly, moving to the bedside. "It's good that you killed him! He deserved it! I can't believe the stuff he said to you! Making it sound like you and Leo…"

Raph said, in a burst of weak desperation, "None of that's true, Leo! He said it. Not me. I think. I don't remember now…"

"Don't even think about that, Raph. Michelangelo…" Leo hissed. "How did you hear that?"

Mikey hung his head and wrung his hands. "I listened in at the door. But I stand by what I said, Raph. You know, I think words can be the worst kind of torture."

Leo glared at him, willing him to be quiet and he withered and stared at his feet.

"Raph, you should rest now that you're feeling better. I'll get Don to take your temperature."

His head was falling to the side. "Will you stay? I been alone a long time now…"

"We'll stay," Mikey said immediately. He pulled up a chair. Raph reached out and clamped down on Leo's hand before he could move away.

* * *

Mercifully, or rather, unfortunately, the drugs wore off. Leo had worked his hand out of Raph's grip when he fell asleep and then gone to his own bed, now relieved enough to get some sleep of his own. They were out of the woods.

His eyes opened to the familiar echo of Raph's voice roaring in protest. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! I DON'T NEED NO FUCKING CATHETER LIKE I'M A BABY! GET AWAY! AND YOU'RE NOT GIVING ME… PUT THAT DOWN BEFORE…"

Leo sprung out of bed and found Raph sitting up on the infirmary bed with Don in a headlock, a syringe held loosely in his hand. "Sorry… I won't give you anything for pain again if you want to hurt."

Raph pushed him away and Don fell into a pile of random machinery parts, making a loud racket as he caught himself.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Raph screamed at Leo as he pulled out his IV line with a yank. "Enough of his shit. I need to go to the bathroom. How do you get this fucking thing out?" He tugged on the lead attached to his catheter.

Don jumped to his feet. "Don't! I'll take it out unless you want to tear yourself open. Hold still."

He pushed Raph forward onto his face and Raph rolled his eyes and grimaced as his brother prodded his private areas. His eyes moved up to Leo, who was watching curiously, wondering factually how catheters worked since he hadn't had to implement them. "What are you doing? Get out of here!"

Leo crossed his arms and sat down heavily. He wasn't ordering him out of the room. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I've seen you doing far grosser things."

Raph growled, but it wasn't his usual full throated voice. His eyes were dark and he was thin. His arms and legs were returning to their original color, but the gruesome sores were starting to scab over, which looked even more repulsive. It took much of the bile out of his aggression and left Leo with a slight feeling of pity. "I ain't worried about you! Ever hear of thing called privacy!"

"Not really," he muttered, crossing his legs.

"Done," Don said, holding the thing in his hand and then tossing it aside into a bucket. He reached for a bottle of hand sanitizer. "Can you walk?"

Raph jumped to his feet before anyone could assist. "I can walk. Get away!"

He pushed Don aside again. "Stop pushing me!"

Leo stayed seated as Raph staggered to his feet, catching himself on the side of the bed as if he had an attack of dizziness. He leaned on the desk and then the wall. He waivered and fell to his knees. Don moved to help, but Leo held up a hand to stop him. Leo asked, "Do you need help, Raphael?"

"No! Don't you fucking touch me either!" His voice strained as he pushed himself up on the desk chair. They watched as he panted, trying to support himself. They waited for several minutes. Then he sat on the floor and muttered, "I don't need help, but you can if it makes you feel needed or something."

Leo put an arm under his for support and helped him walk to the bathroom, trying to ignore the look of pain on his face with every step. Mikey rushed over and said, "Hey, you're up! Want some cake! I baked it for you."

"Not now, Mikey," Raph said. He sounded exhausted.

Leo helped him sit down on the toilet seat and then shut the door. "What do you need?" he asked.

"Need you to get lost." Leo didn't move. "Maybe a bath. Don't feel like a shower right now."

Leo knew he couldn't stand up to take a shower and ran the bathwater. Then he sat down in front of Raph on the floor as they waited for the tub to fill.

"I know what hell must be like," Raph said.

Leo groaned. Not this again.

"It's dark and hot. And there's this voice that keeps saying the sickest stuff you can think and you don't want to stop listening… you know…" He looked sideways at Leo and said, "…It'll be the last thing you hear and it's better than nothing. And it stank and my throat hurt. It was so dry, which was fucking hilarious because I was sitting in all that water. Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink."

"I'm sorry," Leo said. It didn't come out as sincerely as he'd hoped. He didn't really want to hear these details. He would listen. He had failed to rescue him. He couldn't take out vengeance for him. He was useless. It was his duty to listen.

"The worst part…" he said slowly, as if he weren't sure he would finish the sentence. "It was hard because he was talking about… familiar… stuff… Kept dreaming that I was at home. That was hard after a while." He sighed and then looked back at Leo as if he had just remembered that he was there. He turned off the bathwater and said, "You going to watch, pervert?"

Leo waited to make sure that Raph didn't fall on the way into the tub and hesitated, his hand on the doorknob. "I have to say… I'm sorry that… this happened…"

Raph settled himself down in the water and winced when it hit his wounds. Then he reclined back and said, "Don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault. I'll live."

"Nobody can break you." It had been in his mind since April's rental car had driven into the field and he'd opened the passenger door. "I know you can go over the edge, but you always come back and it'll take more than this to do it."

Leo stood in the doorway awkwardly, waiting for an angry response. For daring to say something so honest. But Raph didn't answer.


End file.
